1st Step - Understanding Anger
I have been for a long time pondering on various aspects of anger and its consequences on the self and others. Many questions would come to my mind as to what are the reasons behind such emotional eruption. Why did we react to a situation in a certain way, what causes us to react, when, where and how etc is tagged along to find an answer to the questions within.
In order to learn in depth about the subject, let's first understand what "Anger" actually is. The negative emotion that we create inside us leads to Anger.
Where does this negative emotion come from? Fear of not able to control a situation, something's which did not happen as per the image we created results in anger, leading to hoards of conflicts in our mind. These conflicts generally are a debate within us in justifying our actions. Anger can be truly a friend if we become aware of the causes but can be damaging at both physical and emotional plains if it is not checked in a timely manner. Anger is not our enemy but rather a cry for attention.
So what is the next step? How do we deal or reduce anger in us?
First, let's begin by changing the belief system from: Others' are responsible for my anger to "I am responsible for my anger".
Spend little time with yourself for checking and evaluating the situation with a calm mind. Amazingly, you will realize that anger was our own creation.
Replay some situations of past where in your reactions were unwarranted and try checking how it could have been better by replacing them with better actions. Once you are able to evaluate you can move ahead on working with those little changes and making them part of your new belief system.
2nd Step - Reducing Anger...
Let's move on to learn more about dealing with anger in a positive way.....
Anger is harming as it creates turbulence and imbalance in a person. People think it is good to take out anger as it is not good to keep it inside or anger is natural and should not be controlled.
Consciously work on not to react and you'll bless yourself for not reacting as it would have been a waste of time otherwise.
Most often than not, we generally react for wrong reasons without understanding the situation in depth. Speaking or commenting when not required.
Transform your belief, your thinking through knowledge. Experiment and evaluate whether you or others were responsible.
You will realize that it was our own creation. Once you understand and experience it becomes the truth.
Anger, could be because of many reasons:
Anger with Past: trying to control that which is not in my control.
Fighting against people: who are not doing things as per our wishes.
Fighting with our self: most of the time we are angry at ourselves but we project it on others.
Once you accept that you are responsible for your anger, you will realize that your mind is calm and your suffering is less.
If you still feel your anger has not reduced, find a quiet place, do a minimum of 3 long breath ins and breath outs and talk to yourself: Ask yourself, how long am I going to get angry? and you will also give yourself an answer too. Observe and feel the relaxation flowing through you.
3rd Step - Overcoming Anger
Did you get angry because somebody did not tell you the truth?
Give advice but leave it to them to decide. Have no expectations.
Remember, others too expect from us and what they too may get angry with us? Then at such times our self esteem may go low!!
If you are doing something for others it is because you want to make them happy. Take personal responsibility and avoid statements, such as: "I did it for you" which comes as disappointment out of expectation.
Let everyone be as they are, inspire but do not expect your child to score as per your expectations.
Think, will the child be healthy if such anxiety is created. On the contrary the child starts to feel guilty and feels low in esteem as we have created this feeling through our expectations.
We think, we are powerful when we show anger and identify that as our strength but it is actually the weakness in us.
Good, now that we are aware we are responsible for our anger, let's follow a simple method to overcome them:
- Accept and acknowledge that we are creating the anger.
- Become detached i.e., watch it and see it as a third person.
- Check what would be the best way to handle the problem as you would advise a friend.
- Remove your consciousness / energy from that thought as it could be negative.
- Replace it with a positive / pure energy, accept and stay focused on this thought.
As the old saying goes "practice makes a person perfect".
MRS. GEETHA RAJAN
CENTRE FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT AND DISABILITIES